The past few months feel like I have been overwhelmed by adorable babies in a variety of stages. It first started when we went to a wedding of a good friend, who had a 7 month old. Our other friend was there with their 4 month old. These babies were not your typical babies. First, they were adorable, and did not look like aliens. Second, they were so freaking happy! Third, they had awesome parents who amazed me with how loving and laid-back they were. It was incredible to witness the relationship between parent and child at its first stages. I had had some hang-ups about having babies (more on that later) but after experiencing the love that these parents had, it made me re-evaluate how I was feeling and totally gave me the fever.
I love children. I worked in a daycare all throughout high school and still say that it was my favorite job. I was raised in a big family where there were always babies around, so I am pretty comfortable with them. Having babies for myself has always been an idea that was far away in the distant future, like a foggy dream. The wedding of my friend really brought that idea into focus. Could that be me one day?
Since moving to Portland, I had been hesitant about having my own child. I had a tough experience, where I was in close quarters with a woman who was pregnant. I will call her Tina. I got to see all of the negatives of pregnancy and I got to hear all of the disgusting details. I hate to say it, but it totally turned me off to pregnancy. I didn't want to turn into Tina. She was depressing, unhappy, unkempt, pushy, opinionated, and psycho. My fever had turned cold.
After a few months, I started having positive experiences with people and friends who were different stages with babies - newborns, 6 months, still in womb, etc, and each and every one of these experiences inspired me. I was able to watch my friends interact with their baby and the people around them in a non-judgmental way. I saw how my friends were totally at ease with other people holding their babies, and didn't feel the need to yell at someone to tell them how to do it. I saw my good friend, who should be having her baby any day now, was taking care of herself during her pregnancy, working out, and looking like the most beautiful pregnant lady who ever lived.
More and more positive experiences kept occurring, and they overshadowed this deeply negative experience I had had with Tina. I realized that pregnancy wasn't Tina's problem. Her problem was HER! It was vital for me to witness my friends and their experiences. That seemed to be the only way to show to me that it didn't have to be this way Tina was making it out to be.
So the fever has returned. I anxiously await the birth of my friend's child. He might be born on Joe's birthday (which is 6 days away). I will cuddle this baby, coo to it, rock it, love it, watch its parents shower it with love and happiness and openness and understanding. The fever has certainly returned.